Life The Sue
by NamiRhyme
Summary: What happens when a Mary Sue moves in with our favorite obsessive-compulsive Grim Reaper?
1. Chapter 1

Life the Sue

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Ignore spelling mistakes and typos. I typed this on an itouch, so there'd bound to be some messed up crap in here.

DO NOT TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY. There is no way even I could ever come up with a character this horrible....

Anyways, please enjoy my first Sue-Parody/Mockery, Life the Sue.

Chapter 1- A Bishounen Loses His PrideDeath the Kid

"Baka! time to wake up!" I opened my eyes.

"Uh...what?" I said, confused.

"I said- Baka! Time to wake up!" I frowned.

"Liz, you realize this story takes place in Nevada, yes? You speaking Japanese has no effect on me." I got no response.

I stumbled out of bed, and into my bathroom.

How would I know it would take three hours for me to prepare myself for the morning that followed?

"Kid, cmon! We're three hours late!" I shot her a glare.

"Liz, weren't you on your period just last week? How can you already have PMS?"

I came to school with a red slap mark on my cheek.

"Kid-kun!" Patty chirped. "Your dad called! He said to stop by his office the minute you arrived!"

I somehow navigated the school (which I had never been inside before.) and found his office.

"Kid-kun! Hi hi!"

It's hard to be terrified of Death this way.

"You called, father?"

"Ah, I did indeed! Here's a question for you! What is the opposite of death?"

"Childbirth," I responded with no hesitation.

"...Well, yes, but I was looking for a more generic answer..." Oh, we'll be boring, shall we?

"Life," I said flatly.

"Correct! And if there's a Death God, that means...?"

"There's a childbirth god?"

"...Kid, when did you get so sarcastic?"

"Since I was violated by hundreds of brainless fangirls all over the net,"(A/N I am proudly one of those brainless fangirls) My father rubbed his chin.

"Hm, I see. Anyways, yes, there's a life god, and his daughter and twin sons are attending Shibusen," I blinked.

"What's her name?"

"An equally stupid name to yours," I scoffed.

"Who could have a name as ridiculous as mine?"

"Her name is Life the Sue"

"..."

Life the Sue

"Leon, is this it?"

"Yes,"

"How can you be sure?"

"Look at the architechture,"

"But how can you be 100% positive?!" I grappled the elder twin by the shoulder "You have to be 100% sure!"

"Calm down, Sue!"

"Don't tell me to calm down!!! You have to always be 100% correct! No error, no mistakes!"

Leon and Prosper had to drag me into the "school" I wasn't even sure if it was a school....I didn't get to confirm it.

"Sue, be polite, we're meeting Death himself," Leon whispered into my ear. Prosper giggled.

"That goes for you too, Prosper."

"You're positive this is the correct room?" I prodded. Leon gritted his teeth.

"100%..." I sighed in relief.

"Good, good, let's get going then, shall we?"

Kid

As if on a totally unplanned cue, a girl with long blond hair stepped into the death room.

It was one of the Childbirth God's powers- to overwhelm others with their

unnatural-plastic-surgery-perfect-figures.

She was insanley beautiful. Her blond hair fell in wispy waves past her shoulders. Her amber colored gaze went past my skin and into my soul.

But, the real question here was-

Is this bitch symmetrical?

If she isn't, her unatural beauty shouldn't phase me...

And alack, she isn't. Her bangs cover the left side of her face.

So why do I find myself so attracted to someone I'd never met before?

"Oh, she's adorable," Liz piped "Isn't she Kid?" Why would you say that out loud?

"Hm quite," I rambled, loosing my ability to conceal my thoughts. "She's very pretty. Her breasts are even bigger than Patty's. Her eyes especially-"

"Uh, I'm sorry what?"

Life the Sue

I frowned.

"You realize you said that out loud, yes?"

The striped haired boy rubbed his chin, unphased.

"Did I?"

"Indeed you did,"

"Hm, I see. Well then, I may as well say that it's a great pleasure to meet you" I raised my brow at a hidden meaning to that phrase...

I tugged at my hair.

"These are my weapons, Prosper and Leon Life. If you can't blantantly tell, their identical twins,"

A black hooded figure with a ridiculous mask and even more ridiculous hands hopped up and down. (A/N I love Lord Death as much as the next guy, don't get me wrong)

"Oh! I know how to tell them apart! The one with the gold headband is Prosper! And the one with the silver is Leon!"

How do you know that? Creeper...

I coughed.

"Yes, that's 100% correct."

"Yay! I got it right!" I find the Life God more intimidating...

"Anyways! Sue, you and your brothers are going to live with my son!"

"...Why?" Leon retorted. "We're not helpless people who can't find a place to live. We are aristocracy, after all. Besides,no one in fanfiction pays rent anymore anyways," I cringed. Way to break the 4th wall, Leon...

"Because, it's an easy way to steal our Bishounen character's pride! Duh!"

And that's how I ended up living in another huge ass mansion.

The striped haired boy (who's name was never even introduced to me) led us inside.

"Please, make yourself out home," Prosper untucked a chair from the table.

"Except, don't move the furniture around..." Prosper tucked the chair back. He sat in the large arm chair.

Stripey pushed Leon down into the chair opposite him.

He clasped his hands together, and magically gained magical lipgloss and eyeliner.

"It's so perfectly symmetrical!" I raised a brow.

"Not 100%." I said flatly. "Their headbands don't match," He froze. The twins whipped their headbands off. I grinned.

"100% perfect!"

A/N

Ah, that was...painful. But also very fun. I didn't know it was so hard to make a bad fanfiction! Ah...

Anyways, I can't claim Life the Sue as my own OC (and I'm glad, too) for this fic is a parody/mokery of an even worse fanfic.( LEIK IT CAN GET WORSE????!!!11!2?) My friend Ariel knows exactly what I'm talking about.

And speaking of her, she actually mocked the original fic, which is where I got a handful of my jokes. Thank you!

The original was not only a CanonxSue, but very poorly written....I dare not link back to the original fic, for that could lead to some very bad doodoo.

I admit to adding in my own stuff. Her name wasn't Life the Sue, nor did she have OCD. I also changed the names of the twins. But, other than that, the main story remains the same.

If anyone recognizes this plot- go douse yourself with a bucket of cold water and ask yourself this- "What made me think this was a good story?!"

I'll consider this a two-shot for now. I don't think I'll continue it, unless through popular demand. It was painful enough to write, and my imagination isn't big enough to expand past 2 chapters of this bullshit.


	2. Chapter 2

Life The Sue

Chapter 2-Our Bishounen Randomly Turns Into A Pervert

A/N- Written out of boredom once again. Sad thing is, I printed out the chapter, and Ariel's mock for reference, so I don't start making shit up. Well, actually, I made a lot of shit up. But the whole passing out thing, yeah, and getting injected with light, yeah, that really happened...Ugh...Anyways, enjoy chapter 2 of Life the Sue.

PS- I interrupt a lot in this chapter with Author Notes. Hope it's not annoying.

Death the Kid

Oh, so this woman has obsessive compulsive issues too? It can't be meer coincidence.

"Hey, Prosper," Sue called. She leaned over his shoulder.

"I forgot to take the medicine..."I guess she was trying to whisper, but failed to do so.

"It'a fine. So long as we inject you later," She pouted.

"I hate doing that," Whoa, you lost me...

"Excuse me, what now?"

"Yeah really," Liz agreed "What's this about injecting?"

Prosper jabbed a finger at Sue.

"She's got a mental problem, so she needs to take life pills and get injected with light," Leon glared at his twin.

"Why would you tell then that?!" Sue gestured for him to calm down. She coughed.

"What they tell you is 100% correct. I'm a . So I need to take medicine and get stabbed by large needles," Yes...Large needles filled with happy juice essences, harvested by slave children in the Philippines (A/N I am allowed to say this because I am Filipino; 100%, no pun intended,)

Liz shook her head in disbelief.

"This child," she said, lashing a newly manicured finger in my direction "Is more than a little OCD. But doesn't take shots of...Dark," You tell them, Liz. Shove this bullshit right up their asses. In the mean time, I can enjoy the symmetry of Sue's breasts...

Sue

PMS lady continued to vent in my face.

"What does light have to do with you being half insane anyway?!" She droned. "Can't you take medicine for normal people?"

"No," Leon said flatly. Can't I answer for myself once?

"Why?!"

"Because shut up," Leon retorted. The striped haired OCD child sighed.

"Can you two show Leon and Prosper to their rooms? I need to gr-I mean talk to Miss Life here,"

PMS lady scowled, but ushered the two upstairs.

Because my name is Sue, I'm not allowed to suspect anything. I'm supposed to go with the flow, and follow everything that's asked of me, even though it's obvious everyone else would say "HELL NO,"

It's either that, or be an angsty emo child with sharp wit. And having Sasuke Syndrome is far, far worse...

"Take off your shirt," Stripey said.

"Okay," I tugged the bottom of my shirt up.

"Hey, hey wait!!!" I looked at him.

"What?"

"...It's worse than I thought." He rubbed his chin. "Why don't you tell me why you really need to get injected with light?"

"Do I still need to take my shirt off?" He hesitated.

"...No," I dropped my shirt and whipped my hair behind my shoulder nonchalantly.

"I honestly don't know the reason for why I'm injected with light. What Leon told you earlier is all I know," I lied through my teeth. Stripey (seriously, why don't I know anyone's name yet?) chuckled.

"I'm Kid," Thank YOU. He stuck his hand out. "Nice to meet you," I reached out to take his hand and randomly passed out.

Kid

Sue fell. Really, she just fell. I don't know why I caught her. I could have easily just let her fall to the ground. I was hypnotized by her beauty again, I guess. Or I'm just a good person. More the former.

While holding her, the only thing I could think of was- You should have really made her take her shirt off.

I shook my head. Must...break...brainwashing powers....She's not symmetrical, she's not symmetrical...

Her shirt was wrinkled, tell tale signs of someone trying to discard it, and her hair had somehow gotten mussed. Just to make it more suspicious, I picked her up bridal-style (oh how romantic...) and trudged up the stairs. When did I become so perverted?

Somehow, I opened the door (without knocking) to Proper and Leon's room while still holding Sue.

"Oh, look!" Prosper said, looking up from the minifridge. I made a mental note to make sure everything was symmetrically stocked later.

"Leon! Either Sue-chan passed out again, or Stripey violated her!" I flinched.

Leon dashed into the room.

"What?!" His gaze shifted to Sue's body draped across my arms. "The hell did you do to her?!" I winced. Prosper laughed.

"I made the violate part up, silly brother! She just passed out again," Oh, just passed out again. Like it's totally normal. Maybe she's anemic or something.

"I suggest iron pills. And liver," I contributed.

Prosper ran his hand across his face. This is the kind of kid who's gonna get wrinkles early...

"Of course," He held his arms out, like he wanted a hug. I shifted Sue into his hold.

"Please wait outside," Leon said flatly.

"Why?" He grit his teeth. I almost didn't hear him mumble "Because you shouldn't care in the first place," Which is true.

I stepped outside and slouched against the wall. My excuse for waiting is that I need to fix the contents of the minifridge. Normally, I'd just walk in and not give two shits about the occupants. But they don't know that.

*TICK TOCK TICK TOCK THREE HOURS*

(a/n This is actually in the fic. Well no, I lie. The phrase "tick tock" was in the first chapter. The phrase "3 hours"- yes, just THREE HOURS. Not even 3 hours later....- was in this chapter...UHHHHGGG)

Okay, the minifridge thing is really actually starting to bug me...

My OCDness got the best of me.

"Hey! It's been three hours, I need to fix that goddamned minifridge!" Prosper opened the door.

"Leon told me to tell you to shut the hell up," I heard some mumbling in the back ground. "Oh, and that if you don't leave, he'll shove the minifridge up your ass," I flinched.

"Then, can you tell me why you stick giant needles in her?" Oh boy, that sounded wrong...

"Okay! It's because when we fight, me and Leon don't use our own soul wavelengths! We become one soul with Sue, so she gets real tired real fast! So daddy came up with light injections to make sure she don't die!" (A/N- That's me making the authors idea sensible. While it's not too bad of an idea, the way it's explained sounds even stupider than this, even with this character talking...)

"...What?"

"She'll tell you later, because of something that has happened, or something that will happen," (a/n QUOTED FROM THE FIC.)

"I don't..."

"Yeah, me neither," Prosper grinned. "Oh yeah! That reminds me! I have to go get some icecream!!!" He dashed down the hall. (a/n...What do you think I'm gonna say...?)

So...Sue is super special and needs light injections... (AKA STEROIDS FOR JUSTIN CHRISTS SAKE) Her brother has his man period, and her other brother is going to get icecream...

I need to talk to her, and quick. Since that little bastard Prosper is gonna come home and get icecream all over my carpet; and that just won't do!

A/N Not as funny, made Kid into a total pervert. Sorry bout that, Kid. But that's what happens when you get stuck in a CanonxSue parody. And unfortunately, you are playing the sad role of the Bishi in Distress...

So, that's it! The original fic was no longer than this. (for the well being of the human population) This parody/mockery will not continue unless

a) The fic is updated

b)10+ people tell me they want more. Both are highly unlikely.


End file.
